the LoveCast

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome to the call your Cousins podcast, a podcast dedicated to exploring deep and complex topics that shape our world and human experiences. Before we dive into today's episode, we want to acknowledge the sensitive nature of some of the content we discuss. Please be advised that this podcast may include themes and discussions that could be triggering or uncomfortable for some listeners, including, but not limited to, discussions on mental health, violence, abuse, and other potentially distressing topics. Listener discretion is advised. Remember, this podcast is for informational and educational, but most importantly, entertainment purposes only and should not be taken as professional advice. The views expressed by hosts and guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of the call your Cousins podcast, a now tangible group chat of cousins that wanted to share our thoughts, humor, and growth with the world. And everyone's invited. Most of y'all. [00:01:31] Speaker B: Welcome back, guys, to call your cousins. This is our Valentine's Day episode, and it's interesting that we are recording after Valentine's Day because isn't the smoke that the cheaters do the Valentine's Day? After Valentine's Day? [00:01:49] Speaker C: Yeah, this is a side chick day. [00:01:52] Speaker B: Yeah, right. I don't know if I agree with. [00:01:55] Speaker D: That, because I was thinking today back on that, that I was dating, and it was some Valentine's days where we ain't do nothing. And I feel like he was taking the side bitches out on the day so they didn't got real grimy these days. [00:02:17] Speaker B: But didn't he treat them as his main, too? You all were side and main. I think he was rotating you all in the. Wait, what? Not her. [00:02:37] Speaker C: She was not twin. [00:02:39] Speaker B: Not. The reason I'm saying is she said she thinks that he was taking the side girls out on Valentine's Day. And I'm saying he had you all, her and the sides all as mains, and he just was rotating them like a rolodex. [00:03:04] Speaker D: Clean it up now. Me and the sides. Okay. Yeah. [00:03:11] Speaker C: They was the potatoes and green beans. [00:03:14] Speaker B: Yeah, but when he took them out, they thought they was not the steak. They was chicken. They was a different type of meat, but they thought they was the meat. [00:03:24] Speaker C: Chicken tenders. [00:03:25] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:27] Speaker D: The dark meat that they peel off the up chicken that nobody else. [00:03:32] Speaker C: Okay, sure. [00:03:35] Speaker D: Yeah. [00:03:38] Speaker B: Welcome back, fam. How are you doing? I'm joined today by my beautiful, beautiful, lovely cousins twin. What's up, y'all? [00:03:51] Speaker D: Happy lovers day. [00:03:53] Speaker B: And also, of course, we always got to make sure we had a research team on board. [00:03:58] Speaker C: Hey, guys, what do. [00:04:01] Speaker B: And I am your wonderful, wonderful host, P. I don't know. We might see a dub or we might not see a dub, but we just going to go ahead and y'all been rocking with us from the first episode, man, king deserves better. Just been getting hits after hits after hits. We want to thank all of you for listening, for giving us feedback. [00:04:35] Speaker C: Appreciate you all. [00:04:36] Speaker B: Thank, thank you. [00:04:36] Speaker C: You. [00:04:37] Speaker B: Somebody hit us in the dms and was like, man, you all don't go outside much. I said, what do you mean we don't go outside much? Who said that? [00:04:49] Speaker C: Never mind, never mind, never mind. I don't even read what they mean. [00:04:55] Speaker B: No, they just said, we don't go outside much. [00:04:59] Speaker C: First of all. Right, I go outside occasionally. [00:05:03] Speaker B: I was like, wait a minute, what do you mean I don't go outside? So since then I've been outside. [00:05:12] Speaker C: I suppose. [00:05:13] Speaker D: What does this mean? I don't know how I feel about that. [00:05:17] Speaker C: I just need some clarity on. [00:05:19] Speaker B: Listen, the viewers, we want to make sure this podcast is interactive. And I got some dms. You all don't go outside. I was like, what you mean we don't go outside? We go outside. It was like, nah, nah, nah. Y'all ain't outside. I could tell by the way you're talking. I'm like, okay, all right. Well, I mean, all it made me do is go outside and I've been outside and the streets is on fire. Fire. You ain't been outside? [00:05:47] Speaker D: Where are you being? [00:05:49] Speaker B: It'd be an old people. [00:05:51] Speaker C: First of all, the last time I saw you was outside. It said a little workout app thing. You was working out. [00:06:02] Speaker D: So you've been at the gym. That's what you're saying, right? [00:06:05] Speaker B: I've been at the gym, yes. For those who know me, I am a certified nutritionist trainer, but don't do none of those things. I had a stint doing all that. I have a terrible knee injury that kind of derailed that part of my life. But yeah, I'm slowly getting into it. And so, yeah, it was interesting. I was outside. So, yes, research team, I was at the gym and I was on, right, tell the truth. [00:06:43] Speaker C: Shame the devil. [00:06:44] Speaker B: I was out there though, man. And I was at a respectable gym. And the gym, wait a minute, the gym be the place to be. Well, I don't want to name. We don't want to put. [00:06:59] Speaker C: What do you mean, respectable gym? Like there's non respectable gyms? [00:07:07] Speaker B: Yeah, because I don't want to shame nobody for going to the gym. I believe in body positivity, so I don't want to shame anybody. But what are the elements of a. [00:07:19] Speaker D: Respectable gym though, right? [00:07:22] Speaker C: Give us some examples. [00:07:25] Speaker B: There were so many fine men. [00:07:28] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh, I'm thinking of amenities. [00:07:31] Speaker B: No, the amenities were nice. They had great workouts material. And what happened? They had different courts. They had the indoor courts. If a gym has an indoor court, basketball court, that's a respectable gym. Because black people, especially black men, they love hooping in the gym. They love, like picking up a game. They love it. And so I don't really like to stand outside and watch basketball. Because. Especially. No, because when you live in New York, you see, what is the premise of it, really? No, the culture behind being outside and watching. Think about how od it would be if you went to the gym and you just walked up to the gym and then you just stopped watching the pickup game. You would look thirsty. Right. But really, I just want to see. It's actually pretty entertaining. First of all, let me ask, have either of you ever watched a pickup game of basketball? [00:08:34] Speaker C: Yes. [00:08:38] Speaker B: Okay. So the culture of the pickup game, for me, I like to watch. We grew up on Alan Iverson. Yeah, the spreewell guy. I can't remember his mean, we just came up on people playing ball outside. And now I feel like it transitioned a little bit. Like the culture of that is not as prevalent anymore. And so where I was at disrespectable gym, it was popping. It was people playing outside. And so I walked right by them because I was like, I ain't thirsty. I'm going to keep on walking. And then I went inside and I was like, oh, they got an inside gym. And then, sure enough, the fine black men was walking their way to the pick, to the inside. [00:09:39] Speaker D: That's what you're saying? [00:09:40] Speaker B: No, I wasn't on the prowl. I actually enjoy people that want to be healthy, like being in that environment. It reminded me of why I love training and why I like wellness and why I like health and fitness. Because there is something so rewarding about taking care of yourself and doing something, because then you see other people in there that's not as fit right. And I love it. And I was with a friend of mine who on the walk, so as we were walking past the basketball courts, she was like, oh, they had a beach volleyball out there. She's like, I want to play volleyball. I was like, no, you don't. And she's actually african, so she cuts me out. She was like, you're not in the boss of me. You're going to tell me I can't do something? I'm like, I play very well. Volleyball. I declined going to college to play. [00:10:49] Speaker D: You played volleyball. [00:10:51] Speaker B: Wow. Yeah. It's really good. [00:10:56] Speaker D: You act like you just be sharing stuff about your life. [00:11:05] Speaker B: I don't even know how to. It's interesting because I don't even know how to respond to that because you probably didn't. Because, you know, you probably didn't know I ran track, too. I played softball before. [00:11:19] Speaker C: I mean, I ran track, too, but nobody knows anything about. [00:11:24] Speaker B: Yeah, but I ran track at a school that wasn't like, where you went to school and you ran a track. That meant something, like where I went to school. Granted, there were a lot of. To be fair, though, a lot of people from my school did go on to be track athletes in college and collegiate sports, so it definitely was that. But being from where we're from, it. [00:12:01] Speaker C: Was something to put as an accolade, like, oh, in addition to me juggling all the academia, I can do sports, too. [00:12:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Because in Miami, you can't just go run track. Yeah. [00:12:13] Speaker C: That's conditioning for another sport that's happening. [00:12:16] Speaker B: Yeah. You can't just go run track because they're the track athletes that actually run out there, like the real ones. Because I would say I ran track to play volleyball. So that was not my main sport. Where there were the athletes. Right. That were there. Like I said, there were some. [00:12:35] Speaker C: The football players. [00:12:37] Speaker B: Yeah. Because you would play sports and they would always say, okay, run track. Right. And then either you ended up taking that as your main sport or you were a dual sport athlete. And just like you said, because academics, for us, it was always. That's why I didn't end up playing in college. It's like I took school so seriously, especially going into architecture program, I was like, I'm not going to have time to do that. In hindsight, I should have. Wow. [00:13:11] Speaker C: I don't know what I was doing in college. [00:13:14] Speaker B: Besides, in the book, I didn't know that was we related. [00:13:19] Speaker C: For real, though? [00:13:23] Speaker D: We are for real. [00:13:25] Speaker C: This is not finding out new things about each other later on in life. [00:13:32] Speaker B: Yeah, well, I say that to say that when I was in architecture school, because we had a studio, you basically had a partner. And I think my first year, I actually was partners. I had a desk with my best friend. I believe we were together, and it was amazing. [00:13:54] Speaker C: One time for the one time. [00:13:56] Speaker D: What up, dub? [00:13:58] Speaker B: One time for aw. One time for aw is into the chat. Hi, dubby. How are you doing, brother? Do call. But no, I would say, man, just the response we've gotten back from everybody. Just thank you guys for taking the time to tune in again along with aw, I'm your host. And so, yeah, we just going to get into it because I happen to talk about the gym forever. Okay. Do you play pickup basketball? [00:15:06] Speaker A: I haven't played pickup basketball in probably ten years. [00:15:12] Speaker B: They don't play. They don't end up in a wheelchair. My dog don't want to end up in a wheelchair like Kevin Hart. [00:15:21] Speaker A: I ain't got the type of energy to be running around with these kids on the court and stuff and risking injury. My body already creep getting out of bed in the morning. I can't. [00:15:32] Speaker B: I told you so quick recap. I was telling them I was at a respectable gym and it was like, what's a respectable gym? I said, a gym that has an indoor basketball court. And it was like, oh. And I was like, yeah, because you could watch pickup and you're not going to look thirsty because like you said, I feel like because the OG, you get our age group, they don't play pickup as much anymore because of what you're saying. They're obviously those that do that are still not to say you're not athletic, but there are those who I can offend it. [00:16:06] Speaker A: But was it a gym like the ones young jock perform at? [00:16:10] Speaker C: Wait, what? [00:16:13] Speaker A: Never mind. [00:16:15] Speaker D: Jock be performing at a gym. [00:16:19] Speaker B: Young jock and his perm. That jock. No, that's. [00:16:29] Speaker C: And his wife was just on hype hair recently. [00:16:33] Speaker A: There's definitely a clip floating around of jock performing during a zumba class. [00:16:38] Speaker B: Listen, bro, I got to find me. [00:16:41] Speaker C: Hold on. [00:16:43] Speaker B: Can someone please drop it in our main chat, though? Because I'm trying to find out for real. For real. Wait, no. [00:16:51] Speaker C: What main chat? Oh, our main chat. [00:16:53] Speaker B: Our family main chat. Because I never seen no foolishness like that. Do you all realize how many which main chat? [00:17:01] Speaker C: Somebody text me on the side. [00:17:03] Speaker B: You know, the main chat. I mean, the Google Meet. I meant our Ashley family chat. Somebody dropped it in the family chat. [00:17:16] Speaker D: Drop it in the one I'm not in. [00:17:18] Speaker B: That's why I was asking. I don't want to name the chat because we want to be confidential. [00:17:26] Speaker C: But it's a lot of main chats. [00:17:30] Speaker B: That's not my fault because you all got all these side chats. Did you start some of the side chat? [00:17:38] Speaker D: Okay. [00:17:38] Speaker B: No, I didn't. You started. We don't have to cut like you started that one. Did I start have because I got Halle Berry in it. Yeah, I might have did that. It was you. It was you. [00:18:01] Speaker C: You changed the name and the picture I like. [00:18:08] Speaker B: Welcome back. Welcome back. Yeah, the clip game. The reason why I was bringing up the clip game is because I feel like that's the move. Not everybody be like, you seen that clip? Like, yesterday, I saw that. I already been calling Freddie Gibbs Freddie Gibbs after I saw that. He was always spreading his seeds to people. But then most recently, I guess he yesterday showed up on Valentine's Day with his mane, not his side and not his chicken. And apparently his baby mama posted a picture of him in a very compromising position. Did anybody see that clip? I personally didn't want to see the clip, but I'm just curious, did anybody see the clip? [00:19:04] Speaker C: Considering I don't know who that is. It's a no for me. [00:19:11] Speaker B: He's a really good rapper that makes poor personal choices, personally. [00:19:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Explanation of that. [00:19:22] Speaker B: You know who he would be, twin? He would be your ex. That's literally not that I think about. Right. [00:19:34] Speaker D: They look alike as well. [00:19:37] Speaker B: Let me get on the Google. Because his decisions are so. [00:19:44] Speaker C: Oh, that's very scary. [00:19:45] Speaker B: Yes. [00:19:46] Speaker C: That is uncomfortable. I'm not well. [00:19:49] Speaker B: I am not well. His decision making is so poor that as a grown man at his age, you're just like. And then it sucks because he's a really good rapper. [00:20:03] Speaker C: He's 41 from Gary, Indiana. [00:20:06] Speaker B: But he's Mr. Act up. Mr. Just. [00:20:12] Speaker A: He was locked up for quite some time, though, over in Europe. [00:20:17] Speaker C: I was locked up in a whole country. [00:20:19] Speaker B: I wonder why. [00:20:21] Speaker A: Whole nother continent. I think he got in trouble over there and they just wouldn't release his ass. I don't know how many years he was there. At least like three or four. I think he was signed to ludicrous, like, back in the day, early two thousand s or something. But he never got the pop because he got locked up out the country. [00:20:40] Speaker D: I know that's what had happened to him. [00:20:42] Speaker C: It was for allegedly. I don't know how I want to say this, but allegedly, sexual misconduct. [00:20:52] Speaker A: We'll just say that it was in London or someone. [00:20:55] Speaker D: Is it still alleged if you convicted? [00:21:00] Speaker C: I want to say alleged because I'm looking this information up, like, in real time and I'm trying to read that. [00:21:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I think over there. [00:21:11] Speaker C: Assault charges. [00:21:12] Speaker B: Yeah. I feel like they have stricter laws there with that kind of stuff. So the alleged part is legit because I think it leans more towards the accuser first. And you got to kind of prove yourself innocent. But anyway, let's get into it. So good morning, y'all. Good evening and good night, y'all. Good. How are you feeling? Feeling good. You ready to love how was your Valentine's Day? Should I ask? Should I not ask? How was everybody Valentine's Day? [00:21:50] Speaker D: No, mine was personally amazing. Okay. [00:21:57] Speaker B: That was from the video from. [00:22:03] Speaker D: Yeah, we went and put a little disconnected right now. Brown and friends festival. It was Lydia or whatever. We didn't got kicked out because you know how I do, but we was back like we never left. You know what I'm saying? And it was a great night. [00:22:19] Speaker B: When I saw that you said you got kicked out, I said, I know exactly why she got kicked out. And that's why I'm going nowhere with you no more. This is why they will have you in. [00:22:50] Speaker D: See, I got to remember because Bay was shook. He's a nice person. [00:22:54] Speaker B: So he was the whole time, you know what I'm saying? [00:22:57] Speaker D: And I was like, okay, I can't be on my shenanigans when I'm out with him. [00:23:02] Speaker C: I must have misread that because I didn't read that you had got kicked out. [00:23:06] Speaker D: But we got kicked out by APD. [00:23:12] Speaker B: Yeah. Have you never been at least 20 years ago, 1520 years ago. 15. Because that would not make. Yeah, at least 15 years ago. This one here and thing one and thing two, you go out with them, you might go to jail. And the crazy thing was they never got locked up. And it wasn't for the viewers. We're not talking about any illegal activity. We're talking about pure defensive mechanics, shenanigans. Like nothing illegal. None of this is illegal. Just because the escalation of the foolishness goes. I remember the only time that they never did that was in Gainesville and I couldn't believe it. And I don't know if that's because I fed them girls before we went out. We went out to eat and we had a whole bunch of psyche bombs before. [00:24:25] Speaker D: I think we was too lit because I vividly remember being on another plane in the club. [00:24:33] Speaker B: We were somewhere else. [00:24:34] Speaker D: I don't think we were present. [00:24:36] Speaker B: We was at bank. We weren't there. We were in bank. Yeah. This was the only time, I swear, that we went out and there was no altercation. Not even when I put this on everything. They were like, know. And it was foolishness going on up in there because. Shout out to plasma in Gainesville. It was a wild time back then. [00:25:07] Speaker D: It was. [00:25:09] Speaker B: It was a good time back then. And. Yeah, college. Yeah, it was like they didn't act up. And I was like, oh, and then I would go to Atlanta and it was back to the foolishness. So I won't go nowhere with twins. Lies and you want to be by yourself. Lies and slander. You'll be right there. [00:25:33] Speaker D: See, audience, they'd be talking, but every single time, they be in attendance. [00:25:42] Speaker B: For the record, because. Yeah, okay. But anyways, we had a great time. Yeah. [00:25:53] Speaker D: We had a little staycation. We went to a dinner at my favorite restaurant. I had a steak. [00:26:01] Speaker B: Okay. It was wonderful. [00:26:02] Speaker D: All the little lovely couples was out. I like that little lovey dovey stuff. It was nice. And I got me two dozen roses. [00:26:18] Speaker B: I took some flower. You all know I'm a big flower girl. I do. The flower thing is an everyday thing for me. I shout out to those who. I think you all have gotten into it, too. The flower game. Yeah, I'm a big believer in the flower game. I've been single for a very long time, and I love buying myself flowers. I love arranging them. I made my grandma this beautiful arrangement yesterday with some yellow roses and some daffodils and some greenery and made her a nice. [00:26:53] Speaker C: What a picture. [00:26:55] Speaker B: You know what happened? I have the picture of the before. And again, this goes back to being present in the moment. Sometimes I feel like I enjoy the memories of things that I do. But then as I get older, I realize I have to take pictures of these things because at some point, I'm not going to remember. Just like to your point where I forgot to take a picture with her holding them. So she's older now, and that way I would have that memory. But something is kind of special about me knowing that that was what I did for Valentine's Day was took my mom, well, my grandmother, some flowers, and then I went to my father's grave and put some flowers there as well. So it was very special to me. I think singlehood is a great way to love yourself during all the other love people and the lovers, because love is love. It's still love, you know, I forgot. So, man, I forgot. This is what I actually did. I went to a. I went to a LGBTQIA plus Valentine's Day event. I went to one yesterday as well. [00:28:33] Speaker D: That's what you put on Instagram? [00:28:37] Speaker B: No, I didn't put it on Instagram, but they do have a picture of me getting, you know, when I was in California, which is very much LGBTQ plus community safe haven, I felt the most other than New York. Again, I would say Cali was a little bit more fluid with sexuality and really, really love embracing just open cultures. And not that I identify specifically to either of the orientation sexually, because gender wise, I do consider myself an ally. And I'm very curious about why people are so opposed to their community. And I say there because even in the meeting I was, in, the event I was at yesterday, I even asked, I said, why is it, you know, that sometimes I think a lot of the opposition comes from people feeling like they can't be a part of your community because you got to have such a tight knit community, right? It's like they gang, gang. For real. They gang, gang and not actual gang activity for the feds. Rico, none of that. [00:30:07] Speaker D: Gang activity. [00:30:08] Speaker B: It's not actual gang activity. They're very close knit. And I think, you guys know, I'm so invested in culture and community. And so, yeah, it was a great time, but, yeah, that's what I did. What about you, dub? Anything? I'm bringing it back. If not, I'm going to just jump into the culture. [00:30:28] Speaker D: I can't believe p called me a. [00:30:30] Speaker B: Side chick, bro, listen. [00:30:35] Speaker D: Wow. Maybe your own people, your own family. [00:30:40] Speaker B: And until I hear the playback when I heard it, but I was saying. [00:30:51] Speaker C: It'S too late to clean it up, bro. [00:30:57] Speaker B: Go ahead. This is why. Because when we talk about being ready to love, okay, and we talk about main chicks, side chicks, baby mamas, potential interest, love interest, your texting, your work, bay, all these different categories we put on people and what they are, at the end of the day, ain't nobody single, single out here. And it's rare. Okay, number one. So when we talk about. When we think about. Yes. Ready and love and being black. No, I'm not deflecting because I'm going to bring it back, is I want. [00:31:40] Speaker C: To know what Ada did. [00:31:41] Speaker B: Because you think. No, because not a team. No. This man was so disrespectful to my cousin that I still can't make sense of why he tried like that again. So, like she said, when she said, you know, we used to didn't do nothing on Valentine's day. I was like, yeah, because he was out there with his main chick sometimes. Okay. Yeah. [00:32:15] Speaker D: And we was talking about him taking the side chicks out on the 15th instead of the 14th. And you just came out the gate. Well, you was the south, so, I mean, you should have expected that. Wow. This lady actively helped me pack this. [00:32:33] Speaker B: Man'S stuff up and take it to the job. And she go call me a side. [00:32:39] Speaker D: Chick on my own. [00:32:42] Speaker B: Wow. Okay, continue. Let's just move on the way it landed didn't land. Well, that plane crashed. That plane crashed with the maggots on it. And I'm sorry, but dead serious. I was thinking about it like, dang, he showed it. He did do that because he's so disrespectful. And for people out there that I know that's disrespectful to their spouses and their high level committed relationships. I know you all outside today, or you all was outside on the 13th and it's just. [00:33:31] Speaker C: Moving on to. [00:33:35] Speaker B: He didn't do anything. [00:33:38] Speaker A: Yeah, I was in the house, but. [00:33:41] Speaker C: With Bay. [00:33:44] Speaker B: I was going to say now. [00:33:48] Speaker D: Right on purpose. [00:33:54] Speaker C: Okay, well, as long as you all had a good time, as long as you all enjoyed each other. [00:33:59] Speaker B: So clearly we're crashing. I have crashed a plane with baggots on it today. But you know what? We're going to go ahead and just get back up. Rise from the ashes like a phoenix that we are, because he that shall not be named is the scum of the earth and he will never, ever. If I ever ran into this man. [00:34:30] Speaker C: On the street, gosh. [00:34:34] Speaker B: I am so proud of how my cousin is absolutely resilient in being open and ready for love through all of that adversity. I think that's incredible. And I say that honestly. I say that to a lot of women. If you want to be in a high level commitment with somebody and that's what you thought you were in a relationship, you really don't have to stay in it. You don't have to take the person back. You don't have to do anything, even if you have kids. Now, I know financially that's a whole different scenario and it looks different for different folks, but if you want a high level commitment with someone, you deserve that. And I'm so proud of my friend for getting out of that situation and being ready for love still and then finding love. She found love before me. How is that possible? [00:35:27] Speaker D: You all don't see me, but I got my plum wine in my hand. I'm taking a shot of clock to that. [00:35:32] Speaker A: I definitely thought she was going to land that plane with a threat, Pete. [00:35:38] Speaker B: Because at the end of the day, we're family. [00:35:43] Speaker A: She was like, if I ever see this man on the street, I was like, oh, here it comes. [00:35:48] Speaker B: No, I can't crash another plane. No. Yeah. I have risen above those ashes, in those maggots, because at the end of the day, I really believe that you find so much life out of living in love. And I think because twin lives with that in her heart and she has gone through, we all go through so much different adversities when you come from a place of love and joy in your heart. Nobody can take that away from you. And so that's why I think God has honored her with another high level, committed relationship where she's in love. And I love that for her, not another. [00:36:32] Speaker D: This is the first one, because I. [00:36:34] Speaker B: Didn'T want to say that. [00:36:36] Speaker D: Yes, I received that. Thank you, P. Yeah. Because the last one. That's great. [00:36:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Because as the culture, we talk a lot about black love and what does that love look like? Right. And so I would say love to me feels like. Oh, I feel like we. Lauryn Hill class we doing. Yeah. Because think about it in, like, you can look at your past relationships, and I'm serious. You all. I look back and I thought, because you say the word, oh, I love that person, or you think you love that person, but what kind of love was it? Right? What were you really in love with? [00:37:35] Speaker C: I feel attacked. [00:37:37] Speaker B: No, I'm just telling you because, no. [00:37:40] Speaker C: I feel attacked right now. [00:37:43] Speaker B: For me personally, this is me talking from my own personal experience where I looked at my past, and I really. The craziest thing is it came out of being presently in the present and hearing somebody that I knew was like, oh, yeah, I really never really loved nobody like that. And I was like, but you grown. How is that possible? And I think it was just an honest assessment of what his idea of love was or is. Right. And so that's why I said, when we think about love and what does it mean and what are we in love with? I think then helps you clarify when you look back at your past relationships if you really were in love. Right. And so that's what I'm a place I'm coming from, because when I look back, I don't really think I've experienced romantic love, truly. And I'm grown. You all like romantic love. And that's crazy. And when I realized that, here goes that self work, right. Twin. Right. That therapy work where the therapist probably was trying to tell me this when I was in therapy years ago, because she would always tell me that there were different types of love. And we learned that through Christianity, right. That there's different levels or different kinds of love. But I think when we're talking to relationships, what is it that we are in love with? What are we loving? What is that? Love. But I think I've just kind of. Now, I personally have thought of love now as more of, like, what's the word? I don't even know how to describe it. [00:39:44] Speaker D: You remember that thing? It was like a scroll. It had like a mantra. [00:39:48] Speaker B: On it. [00:39:49] Speaker D: My mom used to keep it around the house. Love is kind and all that stuff, because I've had to rethink love, too, after that fiasco of a relationship. And the reality is love cannot exist amongst disrespect and abuse and being mean to each other and dysfunction, like love doesn't exist amongst those things. So I think if we did a better job of sitting back and asking ourselves, what do we love? And thinking deeper about what love is, I think we could end up in a lot better situations for ourselves. Because I had to think back on that person. And a harsh reality is I was not in love with him because I did not know that person. That person was pretending to be somebody completely different. And so for ten years, I was in love with something that didn't exist. And that's a harsh thing. And that's why I say, I don't think it's weird to not have experienced romantic love as an adult because everybody don't know what love is. Everybody don't know how to give love, everybody don't know how to receive love. And sometimes in situations that you think love is present, but it was never there. [00:41:14] Speaker B: You're on the something there because we are having the miseducation of love, right? Yeah. Because also what you just said was what the other person, their idea of love is projected on you. So when I was saying, what are you loving in that relationship? That was key. I was like, well, I was loving what they thought was love, and they don't even know what love is. Again, let's clarify. Not to say that they didn't know what love is. What does love mean to you? And if it doesn't mean the same thing, I think that's how I think I'm going to end up finding love. Because what happens for me, especially because I'm so open and I'm so full of love, is it's very easy for me to have loving feelings for people because I just love people. This is some work I'm doing within myself, some very deep grounding work. And I realized that I just actually love people. Which is funny because I actually am very introverted and I like being by myself. But my soul is reminding me, no, you actually love people. You love being around people. You guys have seen me. Even when I cook, I love to do things for other people. I love to love on people in ways that they can receive. So when we say, what does love mean to that person, now I'm starting to think, okay, because I embrace love in every form. Right. And I think that that was the difference in the past was there was no room for that. But I don't know. I mean, hey listeners, we making any sense? Do we sound like we know what. [00:43:22] Speaker D: You got research team? You the love expert, love doctor? [00:43:27] Speaker C: Definitely not the love expert or love doctor. I just love black love because they don't ask me what I do for Valentine's Day or nothing. [00:43:36] Speaker D: I was going to ask right on like research team ain't got a life, right. [00:43:41] Speaker C: I ain't got say. [00:43:44] Speaker B: I feel like black love. Okay. So yes, we definitely want to hear. But also I really want to know what's the difference between black love and all the other love. So how was your Valentine's Day? [00:44:02] Speaker C: It was awesome. I had a great time. I took myself out to the movies to watch origin. So that was pretty dope. I wouldn't say that's like a balancing. [00:44:18] Speaker B: It's a love story in it, right. She's in love with the white guy. At some point it is. [00:44:27] Speaker C: I want to give it all away. But yeah, it's based on a true story. Really good. Go see it. Maybe not for like Valentine's Day per se because the topic is a bit heavy. But hey, to each his own. And it's like 2 hours and 21 minutes. [00:44:44] Speaker D: No, I got to watch that at home. [00:44:48] Speaker C: But it's a good 2 hours and 21 minutes. [00:44:51] Speaker A: Definitely got to see that. [00:44:55] Speaker B: I was going to say if I go in that theater I have the book. I will be angry when I walk out. Yeah. At home movie. So I'm glad though. How was the movie theater? [00:45:17] Speaker C: It was like one, two, three, foe. It was like a black couple, a white couple. And then it was like. I guess the people toward the end was like friends, like two ladies. And then it was me and another. [00:45:32] Speaker B: So yeah, because everybody went out to see Marley yesterday, right? No. Was it people out there for Marley or. [00:45:37] Speaker C: No, I was only focused on what I was seeing. [00:45:43] Speaker B: Yeah, I was just saying the traffic. [00:45:47] Speaker C: Where I'm located, they know me on a first name basis because I go that often. I mean it was more packed than it normally is on a Wednesday. But it was like. It's a lot of stuff out. So it's a variety of things that could have been seen. [00:46:10] Speaker A: You got a movie membership? [00:46:16] Speaker C: No, I typically go on Tuesdays because it's like $5. [00:46:19] Speaker B: $5 Tuesday. Yes. [00:46:22] Speaker A: You all remember when it was $2 though at Southland mall? [00:46:27] Speaker B: Yeah, $2 Tuesday. [00:46:34] Speaker C: No longer. [00:46:35] Speaker B: No Southland. [00:46:37] Speaker C: Talking about the $2. [00:46:39] Speaker B: You ain't get nothing at $2 but you can also butter on your popcorn. You ain't going to get nothing for $2. No theater no more. [00:46:51] Speaker D: Not the butter for $2. [00:46:53] Speaker B: I swear to God. We go to the movies. Twin research. [00:47:00] Speaker C: So I don't go to the movies. Fun fact, I don't go to the movies and eat for real. I may get a drink from the bar, but I don't really eat at the movie theater. I don't really like it like that. I like to watch the movie and see experience it all the way through. [00:47:19] Speaker D: No popcorn. [00:47:20] Speaker C: I always get popcorn because when I watch movies I listen to the music and I try to think about what's going to happen next. I pay attention to. I'm a cinematography nauticalist type person, so I really be paying attention to details and other things that people be like. [00:47:42] Speaker A: Repeat that term one more time. [00:47:45] Speaker C: Cinematography. [00:47:47] Speaker A: What was the second word? [00:47:49] Speaker C: Person. [00:47:50] Speaker A: Okay. [00:47:51] Speaker D: Yeah, I heard something else too. [00:47:54] Speaker C: Oh, lord. [00:47:56] Speaker A: I thought you said she was a novelist. [00:48:01] Speaker B: Yeah, I was going to say I thought I heard Nautilus and I was. [00:48:04] Speaker A: Like, she either said nautilus or novelist. You writing books about movies? Okay. [00:48:12] Speaker B: You know what? [00:48:15] Speaker C: I'm trying to be in the mic, Claire, but things happen. So no, I don't eat any popcorn or anything like that because that's loud. [00:48:26] Speaker B: Oh, so you don't want to hear yourself too? [00:48:28] Speaker D: Are you talking about you? [00:48:30] Speaker B: Correct. [00:48:32] Speaker C: When you crunching and stuff? [00:48:34] Speaker B: Stupid. Amen. Put her on mute. [00:48:45] Speaker C: I'm just saying, like, the popcorn is crunchy. [00:48:48] Speaker B: You got to go to the enhanced. [00:48:50] Speaker D: Sound, you know you have enhanced sound? [00:48:55] Speaker C: I do, but I still don't want to be distracted by the popcorn. [00:48:59] Speaker D: She said the movies is serious. [00:49:01] Speaker B: It is. [00:49:03] Speaker C: That's why I overly pay attention to things. [00:49:07] Speaker D: Do you, boo boo? [00:49:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Do you? Okay, so you went to the movies. [00:49:12] Speaker D: What else? [00:49:14] Speaker C: That was it. Girl, I had work in the morning. This job is crazy. [00:49:19] Speaker B: Okay. All right. Well, I mean, you know, it's the love month. [00:49:41] Speaker C: It is. It's a couple things that black love means and represents. Some of my favorite, I guess you could say tv shows or just personalities are represented. One of my top favorite shows to watch right now is ready to love. I'm not sure if you all watch it, but it's basically like a dating show where people are forced to kind of date multiple people at the same time in a group. It's like gentlemen women and they're all in heterosexual looking for heterosexual relationships. It's to me hilarious because there is nothing, I guess like reality wise that's like that because people are intentionally signing up. They own season nine. So at this point, you know what you're getting, like, you know how the show is laid out and people still be surprised about the foolishness that happens. But I enjoy it because it shows kind of like black professionals. So not loving hip hop per se, like celebrity kind of people. But I watch that toxic tv as well, especially loving hip hop. Miami, Atlanta. [00:51:05] Speaker B: What else? [00:51:06] Speaker D: I feel like ready to love is toxic tv. Do we feel like that's a real accurate depiction of black love? [00:51:13] Speaker C: I didn't say it was an accurate depiction. I just feel like it's more realistic because it's not like celebrities. It's like regular people with regular jobs, which is like. I think it's a little bit more. [00:51:24] Speaker B: Relatable what it was on these shows. [00:51:29] Speaker A: Be on Zeus. I know same. I'm asking. [00:51:33] Speaker C: Ready to love comes on. Definitely not Zeus. [00:51:41] Speaker B: Bet. [00:51:45] Speaker C: I feel like that's wrong. [00:51:47] Speaker D: I just said that because P said, what do we feel like black love is? [00:51:54] Speaker C: But I feel like black love to the culture. [00:51:58] Speaker B: What is black culture? [00:52:02] Speaker C: I think there's healthy forms of love. I think there's toxic forms. I think there are many different forms of black love, if that makes sense. I think there's a part of love where you have to struggle. It's not always going to be great. Sometimes it is toxic, sometimes it is unhealthy. And that can be like, on an individual basis, like, you could be the one that's growing and developing, and the other person is not. I'm not talking about domestic violence or verbally abusive, but I think there's levels to black love. [00:52:43] Speaker A: I think in the culture, it's definitely way more toxicity within black love than love love, because they'd be on Instagram, all this dumb stuff. But it does exist, though. It definitely exists. They always show it negatively when it comes to us or we show it. [00:53:09] Speaker C: Well, I was going to say, I think that's what gets highlighted more. But there is a show, or. [00:53:15] Speaker B: Used. [00:53:16] Speaker C: To be a show. Now they have many different spin offs, and it's like a movement called Black Love, where this black couple went and interviewed a bunch of different other black couples, heterosexual, lesbian, interracial, different couples, and they gave kind of their version or their meanings of black love, and they touched on different topics. They even talked to people who were super old, married for some crazy amount of years, and there were positive images, and it wasn't really reality based or super toxic. So it's stuff out there. But I think the negative gets highlighted more than the positive. But I watch it all so positive, negative, toxic. I love to see images of people who look like me, who talk like me, who think like me, who are relatable. I love to watch it. So that's what I consume. [00:54:31] Speaker D: I would agree. Wow. Bleep that out. I do feel like there's a lot of toxicity, but I think when we talk about what's different between black love, I feel like our foundation as black people is trauma and hurt. And I feel like we have to take extra care when we're in relationships with people because we're already coming from a hurt place. And, like, everybody know, hurt people hurt people. Sometimes I think we don't address our inner issues as black people. And sometimes we take it out on our spouses. We'd be talking about, well, niggas ain't shit and women this. And it's like, guys, we're all hurt. Everybody want to hug. [00:55:19] Speaker B: Let's just give everybody a hug. [00:55:22] Speaker D: Everybody just breathe. And I think that's why it depicts itself like that on tv, because we're. [00:55:30] Speaker C: Just a hurt people. [00:55:32] Speaker D: And that comes out when you interact with other people. So that's my $0.02. [00:55:40] Speaker B: I'd like to come down the aisle with my beverage cart on that one, because I think you're absolutely right, twin. And that's the issue of why it's so toxic. And that's why I asked the question, what is it to the culture? Because the toxicity is what's fueling what we think or we understand to be black love, where something as simple as cooking and cleaning and being kind, I'm naturally those things seems like something extra or special, right? Because I got to get you, got you with me. I ain't trying to get you got you nobody because you get you, got you somebody get you, got you somebody to be in a relationship with you. Basically, the things you do to get into a relationship with someone, if you're trying to do something to get into a relationship, things that you're doing, your traits or whatnot, and then you get them, and then your true self comes out. I'm very transparent and authentic about who I am up front. Got you. It's the kitchen. Got you. Yeah. Because I don't live in toxicity. And that's why I asked, because I being an outlier who's not toxic. Dealing with toxic people has had me look at it so differently because. And you all have heard me say this before, it's very hard for me to really respect relationships, right? I don't even go to weddings anymore. Everybody knows that because, well, in fairness, I'm going to a wedding soon, but I have verified that this is a good relationship. I love this girl tonight. I feel like you. I completely forgot because I hate weddings. And the. This girl knows that. And I swear to you, we were at a bar a couple of years ago when she had gotten engaged, and she was just like, you're really not going to come to my weding. I was like, no, girl. Because this is on black and white. Because this girl is white. I don't like the toxicity that fuels in love because of the get you got you. Why do you have to get your gotcha to get somebody? And then you get them? And now you all stuck together because, as we all know, marriage, love, and then marriage and kids that comes after. These are binding things. And I just listened to a black writer thought feminist. It's a lot to get into. It costs you nothing to get into a marriage, right? You pay a little fine, but it costs you everything to leave. Everything. You tie yourself to these commitments and let's say you did it on false predication. The getcha gotchas then now that person's hurt. You see what I'm saying? With a toxic. How it breeds and how it fuels. And then now they're walking around hurt. Now they toxic. And I don't live like that. I don't try to carry that stuff. It's too heavy. I can't carry that stuff with me. And so that's why I'm glad Doug brought it up, because I do believe that what we see as black love in the culture is more on that toxic spectrum. And trying to, even when relationship goals was the trending topic, that just fueled and fueled and fueled. That's the other thing, too, is everybody relationship is not going to look like your relationship. It's not. And that's okay, right? Because why my relationship got to look like your relationship? I could tell you right now, even with us on here and our cousins, think about the relationships our cousin have or people in our family, like, my relationship is not going to look like that. And that's okay. I'm going to judge you because your relationship looks completely different. No, but think about how that actually happens in real life, right? Where, oh, she was able to do this. So let me try to get you. Got you. And it's like, girl. And a lot of that comes from loneliness. I think loneliness is to all those out there that are lonely. And I see them on instagram, too. Dub, what you're talking about, the feeds of not just the toxicity, but then the ones that envision and board, and they like to death a man. It's like there's some peace. It's some real peace in accepting loneliness, because when you accept it that you're just lonely, then you start to comfort yourself in ways that it's very hard to explain, but you're then not putting yourself at risk to be toxic. And also, if you're not tied to someone and you haven't chosen to reconcile with them. Reconcile meaning, like, let's say Beyonce, right? That's when it really did it for me, was when Jay cheated on Beyonce. I was like, oh, the girls, girlies, men. [01:01:42] Speaker D: There's no hope. Side note, did our cousin get back with old boy? Which, you know, the one that. The cousin that says, good morning, all. [01:01:57] Speaker B: Of a sudden. [01:02:01] Speaker D: That'S still over. [01:02:02] Speaker B: No, that's over. [01:02:03] Speaker D: Oh, wow. [01:02:05] Speaker C: Was there something that alluded to that they got back together? [01:02:09] Speaker B: No, it just crossed my mind. [01:02:10] Speaker D: When you said cousins, our cousins relationships, I was like, dang. [01:02:15] Speaker B: Well, I was saying it from a place of. I was really saying it from a place of, like, we are probably the least judgmental family I know when it comes, because that's an aspect of the toxicity when it comes to peoples in their relationships. That's why a lot of people that are married won't leave their marriages or feel like they can't leave because the family is invested. I know that right now, I have a group of friends that are divorced and their families, like, in this person, the person that they got away from, it was terrible. And the families will still be like, oh, you let a good thing go. I ain't let nothing good thing. What? That is how they be sounded. I left that bum with his bum juice on the side of the road. [01:03:07] Speaker D: I told my dad I left that bum, and he was like, absolutely not. He literally said, absolutely not. Ain't no way you left that good, man. I'm a holly at you. I'm going to have to see you later. [01:03:23] Speaker B: That's how they. So I say that to know, I think that I do like when those that reconcile. So you can see that takes a lot of work, and we see that in Beyonce and Jay Z, where there's clearly work that he had to do on self, which he's come out and been open about, and she as well. And you can see they're committed, as they definitely are twin flames. So you can see that they're committed to each other on a spiritual level. And that's why I think they felt the need to work it out and the age difference, obviously. But I got an auntie that's been married like four times. And I love people that love love. And when they don't work out, having the courage to leave, okay. There's power in that. And I love know because our Raymond, newly married in Vegas, I thought that was so, no, they weren't married. It was a whole thing that they weren't married. Because I remember when I was like, oh, he dating a white girl. I think she's italian or they got a baby. Right? They got two kids. They got two, yeah, they got two kids. And it take a strong, confident woman to be with Usher with how he be outside and he not outside. And that's what I'm saying is that's the perfect example of somebody relationship looking different. Because I love the way that Usher likes to make women feel good. That, to me is a part of his services, his goods and services. He's not a chippendale, but he's definitely giving what the r b king is supposed, the r b king is supposed to make you go home and feel sexy, like what he did for Kiki and how he stood by like that, to me, is. And then how he had Alicia keys up there with her non singing. I didn't know she couldn't sing no more. [01:05:44] Speaker D: Girl, what you mean like that live? [01:05:47] Speaker B: I didn't know. When did she know that? [01:05:53] Speaker D: Remind me of what I read about Usher this morning. Usher interviewed with somebody talking about how he was heartbroken after chili. [01:06:01] Speaker B: Chili? Yeah. [01:06:02] Speaker D: And then he didn't trust women. [01:06:04] Speaker B: Girl, didn't you cheat on chili and have a whole baby? What you talking about? [01:06:09] Speaker D: Trust issues? [01:06:11] Speaker B: He meant that anyway. [01:06:13] Speaker C: That's a response from an, well, person during that time. [01:06:17] Speaker B: I think he was being honest about how he felt. Then I read it, too, and I was like, wait a minute. [01:06:28] Speaker D: Wait. [01:06:29] Speaker B: Didn't you cheat on what? [01:06:31] Speaker D: Okay, but, girl, yes, Alicia. Ben, she always be sounding trash in person, but I saw apple music. They fixed the note at the beginning. [01:06:42] Speaker B: Yeah, they sure did. They fixed it in 15 seconds. That playback was quick. I said, they got the AI on. The AI said, AI said, clean up, Ms. Keys, please. But I don't understand the Alicia keys. [01:06:59] Speaker D: Choice, though, because I feel like. [01:07:07] Speaker B: It did. And I think one shout out to usher for putting black women on his platform. So I think that if we look at the black women that were present, they were musicians, and I love that. So she was playing the piano, her was playing the guitar, which was apparently like a, one of a kind guitar that she was playing. That's custom. A lot of people didn't know that. She's a trained musician. I believe Alicia keys can play. Other than the piano, I'm not 100% sure, but I love that he shared the platform with black women and not just the, um. Because if I saw that show and all I got was little Bo peep and little John, and obviously we love ludicrous. I would have been really upset. And so I kind of like that. What a hater on Jermaine Dupree dressed like hater. Now, JD did look crazy dressed like a colonizer. What was he wearing? I got excited. I thought goodie mob was on the stage. I thought it was goodie. Me too. And then some Louis Vuitton socks. Those were not. Okay, so keep one. He wants to highlight the fact that he was wearing Louis Vuitton socks, because we all know that pharrell is over the house right now, and I love the plug. That's cool. But, sir, if you wanted to be boss baby, you could have been boss baby on another stage. I didn't need to see boss baby. Like, when I saw him, I thought the same thing. I was like, oh, it's goody mob. But, JD, because goody mob, it fits Ceelo. It fits you, sir. No, stop it. You wanted to be somebody. You not. And then you got a little old feet. They don't even make those in the regular size, those socks. They made them socks specially for him. [01:09:17] Speaker C: Who authorized that? [01:09:19] Speaker B: Right? Nobody can't even afford no socks with no pockets on it. Sir, stop. People out here can't even go grocery shopping. You over here showing your expensive short man, shop it. And with that, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. [01:09:37] Speaker A: All right, welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back. I'm sorry. In honor of Valentine's day, we got a new little segment for you all three. Ow. Living, learning, and loving while black. I got a little question for you, black women. Did I say something wrong? [01:10:01] Speaker B: No, go ahead. Anytime a man fight black women. Go ahead. [01:10:05] Speaker A: Right. Men, a lot of times we think you all be a little too harsh and need to be a little softer on us. What you all think about that before we answer? [01:10:18] Speaker B: Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies. When you say too hard and too soft or it's softer, please provide an example. [01:10:39] Speaker D: I feel like. Well, I don't know if there is an example. [01:10:43] Speaker A: Thank you. Because I was definitely stuck. [01:10:45] Speaker D: This topic came up because I got this new homegirl, and I was talking to her, and she is I mean. [01:10:53] Speaker C: A new homegirl, a new. [01:10:58] Speaker D: Girl, the one that cleaned my house. We friends now. [01:11:01] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [01:11:02] Speaker D: That's my homie. [01:11:03] Speaker B: I love her. [01:11:05] Speaker D: She's jamaican, literally. [01:11:07] Speaker B: What did you say? She just be making friends. [01:11:10] Speaker A: We friends now. That just sounded funny. [01:11:12] Speaker D: Okay, yeah, I'll be making friends. [01:11:17] Speaker C: But. [01:11:21] Speaker D: She jamaican. She used to live in New York, so I'm sure you can tell what type of demeanor she know. She's looking for love, and she told me, she's been told that she's a bit too harsh and she should be a little softer. And the crazy thing is, the same day we was having this conversation, I was on Instagram, and some lady of another ethnicity was like, black women, you could really stand to be a little softer. Be a little softer if you want a man, the type of man that you want. You're too hard. And I was just like, what does that even mean? And that's not the first few times I've heard it, but it just brought the topic back up to top of mind for me. And I've been told that I'm a little abrasive. And it's just like, what does that even mean? [01:12:19] Speaker A: What y'all think? She definitely is probably a bit abrasive, her being caribbean on top of being from New York. Caribbean women in general, they tend to be little. Yeah, harsher, I guess, and that. Go daggle for the black caribbean women. And the spanish ones, they a bit crazy, but that's why men love them, too. [01:12:46] Speaker D: So you like it? That's what you're saying? Research team, is your lady harsh? [01:12:57] Speaker B: Do you feel like your lady is harsh? Dub, why are you going to put that man out there? [01:13:02] Speaker A: No. [01:13:03] Speaker B: You see how he just. [01:13:07] Speaker A: Not even caribbean. [01:13:09] Speaker D: I know, but I'm saying, like, she's. [01:13:12] Speaker B: Not asking the question. [01:13:14] Speaker D: Like, do you feel, like. [01:13:19] Speaker A: By New York? [01:13:22] Speaker B: Okay, yes, definitely. [01:13:24] Speaker C: Yeah, that don't count. [01:13:31] Speaker B: Back it up. Back it up. Because I want to make sure that we are giving a guided conversation here. It sounds like you all are saying that this is also culturally and a regional thing, too. [01:13:47] Speaker A: That's what I'm saying for sure. [01:13:49] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, let's back that up. Because I think that when we're talking about one, there are black women on this show, and we're talking to black listeners. And so we need to be careful about how we even discuss what too hard and too soft or needing to be too soft and needing not to be too hard actually really means. Because if it's a cultural thing, then, yeah, that's the same goes for men where haitian culture or jamaican culture, I find that caribbean men are more aggressive and more abrasive. And then I find european men to be way more softer, right? And then I find white anglo saxon men to be very hard, but like, cuddly and soft. So I think that let's make sure we think about that in context of a cultural and regional perspective, because that's why I asked. This conversation has to be had within. It has to be contextual. Because when we think about what does it mean to be too hard, quote unquote and soft, quote unquote, I think that those things can be teachable if you are in pursuit of love. Because if I'm getting this segment right, you're learning to love. You're living in love, and you're loving in love, but you're also doing that in the context of your actual life, right? Because love is just one part of your whole life. So think about it as this example. The jamaican house cleaner, she probably has to be hard, right? Because her job that she actually does or what she does is a labor intensive job. Most housekeepers or people that I know that clean homes are either super nice or they're super anal. They clean very fast, they're very good, they're very efficient. But then the super nice one is the same way. She's just probably just quiet and timid, right? Is that landing? Am I in the air? Am I landing that plane? [01:16:41] Speaker C: I think for me personally, I don't think there's like a too hard or too soft or. I think it's definitely cultural in how people perceive one another. And I think it's heavy on how we interpret people's communication, their tone, not necessarily what they say, but how they say it, their nonverbals. And I think that's derived from your environment, how you were raised, different traumas or interactions you have with humans. I think that all shapes who you are and how you love. So I think sometimes you can be from culturally, like a caribbean environment, and you see a lot of women around you doing labor intensive work and really being very self sufficient and secure within themselves, which may come across as like, quote unquote too hard or aggressive or whatever terminology you want to use. So for me, I don't put those labels. I just think it's how people are perceived because I've been called aggressive or to whatever as well. And I'm just like, I guess. What did you say? I said you, right, exactly. [01:18:13] Speaker D: I see what you're saying. [01:18:18] Speaker A: Hey, what's old girl named? The DA out of Atlanta. I know she giving dudes a hard time. Fanny. Fanny. Fanny. [01:18:33] Speaker B: Willis. Like Fanny said today I keep cash on me because you don't know what's going to happen. Back in the day, she said she used to keep $200 on her. Yeah, because if something go bad, she got to leave the date with you. [01:18:49] Speaker D: Fanny on that alone and nothing else. [01:18:56] Speaker B: Right. [01:19:00] Speaker D: I always have money in case I got to exit a date. [01:19:03] Speaker B: Yeah, she was saying cash. Yeah, money. Because a lot of women do. [01:19:10] Speaker D: Date never happened. I just can't imagine a dude making me pay for my own food on a date. I just can't imagine them awkward situations that folks be talking about. I'm unwell. I might have to flip the table. [01:19:29] Speaker B: Do not embarrass me in Public. [01:19:34] Speaker C: That's giving kmachel. What? [01:19:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Dudes be embarrassed. [01:19:46] Speaker D: This is why they say we'd be too hard. But this is my thing. I can't be embarrassed or disrespected. Okay? If they make me too hard, then I got to be that. [01:19:56] Speaker B: Now, you know, I done paid for meals when I'd have been on a date. I told you about that before when I felt so bad because I went on this date. I wasn't dating. I was dating that teacher in New York who was a trust fund. So he had money. He was trust fund income. But I knew he didn't have money because of his eating habits. He used to eat at McDonald's. Ain't nothing wrong with it if you don't have it. But most of the times. Yeah. When people eat fast food, like, that's because they can't afford real food. No, this situation here, he was a teacher, so it was like, things like, oh, yeah. On the way to work, I get. Anyways, the coins weren't mathing. And so he took me on this amazing date to this historic site because I'm a history buff. It was amazing. It was up in. I don't even remember, but it was where all the railroad tycoons kind of up on New York. So it's super cool. And afterwards, we went to get sushi. So he paid for the ticket, and the date was. I mean, it was great. And he could tell. It made me really happy. And then we go to the sushi place, and the bill comes out, and I'm like, man, I got to pay for this bill. Because one he drove. I got in a car with him. So he drove me. So that was gas in New York. And then it was like a 30 minutes drive to pay. Well, I say it wasn't awkward because when I paid, he didn't say nothing. And that's a good telltale sign, too. So I say this to say to women, like you say, I'm coming from the healed version of you're flipping the table. If you end up paying, that's a sign that I ain't going to see you again. If I end up paying for something nine out of ten, because it's happened before where I've paid. And this guy was dating, he was very wealthy. And literally before I could get out the restaurant, he cashed me the money right there. He was like, this white guy. He was like, why did you just pay for the food? And I was like, oh. Because he was like, he paid me right back. He was like, no, ma'am. And so I think that whole time I was dating that guy, he only let me buy him coffee once. So I think that let's not flip tables. Let's come from a healed and healthy perspective, which is if you as the woman, have an issue with paying for something as you're dating, then don't date them no more, period. That'd be the last time you're going to see me. [01:23:04] Speaker D: Agree. [01:23:07] Speaker B: And with that. Yeah. [01:23:16] Speaker C: With that, we're going to head out to the cookout section real quick. [01:23:21] Speaker D: Special Valentine's edition. [01:23:23] Speaker B: Have we done the cookout yet? No. We need to tell. Let's give the listeners real quick. So we are infamous, our families. Infamous. Infamous. Of our cookouts and our fish fries. Infamous. You think your family have a better fish fry or cookout than us? You're playing yourself. And so we have this segment where we are talking about, what are you all bringing to the cookout? It's really our take on a quick this and that. Really, because we're also the family that we will shade, talk down, dog, out, drag. If you decide to do something at the cookout and then it ain't that. If it's two macaroni and cheese and you brought the one that is as trash, you get dread. The whole ain't no coming back from that. Or now, if you both brought good collards, everybody bought good greens, then everybody can be like, oh, that's some greens. Or like the fish. We just recently got into swy because I think our family. Yeah. Remember that? Because we really used to use catfish and then, I don't know, why do we end up having swag? [01:25:06] Speaker D: Catfish? [01:25:07] Speaker B: Yeah. I think twin just ended up buying swag because they didn't have enough catfish. Something like. Something like that. That's what happened. [01:25:17] Speaker C: Was it not whiting? [01:25:18] Speaker B: It wasn't whiting. It was whiting, too. But they. [01:25:22] Speaker D: Oh, no, I had perch at the last one. [01:25:26] Speaker B: It was perch at the last one. [01:25:28] Speaker C: But I'm going to refer back to the. [01:25:32] Speaker B: Anyway, the standard has always been, especially when they're held in Florida, are fish that's been caught from the keys snapper grouper catfish that they might have bought. But it was always a standard that it was like catfish. It wasn't ever no tilapia, nothing like that. That gets you kicked out if you fried some tilapia and you ain't tell nobody. Oh, my God. Anyways, yeah, this is our. This and that. And so we call it the cookout. And this is where we cook real quick and let's get into it. So for Valentine's. [01:26:19] Speaker C: Yeah, it's a Valentine's Day edition. This is a rough one for me. Wine or dark liquor? [01:26:28] Speaker B: I don't. Already told you 10 seconds. [01:26:32] Speaker C: Maybe this. [01:26:34] Speaker B: I'm going to go with cognac. And specifically I'm going with clutch Shayshe cognac because I already told you I like him. [01:26:44] Speaker C: Okay. [01:26:46] Speaker D: I think it depends. I had wine last night, but that's because I was on that on Tuesday. I'm going to go with wine. [01:27:00] Speaker C: Okay. Eight up. [01:27:05] Speaker A: Lord, I'm a man. [01:27:11] Speaker C: Okay, thank you. Appreciate that. Lace lingerie or a cotton onesie? Lace. [01:27:23] Speaker D: Nothing. [01:27:25] Speaker C: That is not even on. That's not even on the options. That's not one of the options, bro. [01:27:35] Speaker D: Amen. [01:27:36] Speaker C: All right, man. [01:27:40] Speaker A: The lace, because the onesie is too much fumbling around, like in the bed when you're trying to get it off. [01:27:49] Speaker C: Okay, I see what you're doing there. A lipstick or a lip stain stick? Twin stick. [01:28:06] Speaker D: Although I think I had a stain on last night. [01:28:09] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. So which way? [01:28:16] Speaker D: That's the same thing to him. [01:28:18] Speaker A: Yes. Thank you. You took the words right. [01:28:22] Speaker C: Okay. Public relationship status or private? I think I know everybody, but go ahead. [01:28:32] Speaker B: Conservative. [01:28:34] Speaker D: What do we mean by public? [01:28:36] Speaker B: Girl, you are public. Stop. [01:28:39] Speaker C: Right. [01:28:41] Speaker B: I don't even know why she even played dubbed. [01:28:44] Speaker C: I ain't got time. [01:28:45] Speaker A: I'm indifferent. [01:28:46] Speaker B: I got time for her now he indifferent. [01:28:49] Speaker C: You all not playing the game. [01:28:52] Speaker A: I'm moving the same way regardless, so I don't care. Whatever she prefer. [01:28:59] Speaker B: Masculine standing on business. I like that answer. Okay. [01:29:06] Speaker C: Provider or emotional intelligence? Like, what do you want in your partner? [01:29:12] Speaker B: Both. What do we want? Both. [01:29:14] Speaker C: It's an or. But you all don't care how it's played. So, whatever. [01:29:20] Speaker D: If you're talking about which one we care about more. [01:29:27] Speaker B: Both. [01:29:28] Speaker D: I feel like they both equal for me. [01:29:33] Speaker A: Emotional intelligence, 100%. [01:29:37] Speaker C: Okay. Soft life versus soft life. [01:29:44] Speaker D: What do you mean, soft life? [01:29:49] Speaker C: No, it's not. No, that's how I wrote it. Soft life versus soft life. [01:29:53] Speaker B: No, not an era. Not E-R-R-O era. E-R-A soft life. Girl, go listen to summer Walker. We ain't got time. She got an album. Go listen to that and then come back. It's an error. It's hard to explain. Okay, give a brief explanation. I don't know how to. [01:30:19] Speaker C: Yeah, it's different for everyone but Dove. [01:30:24] Speaker D: You know what that is? [01:30:26] Speaker A: No, thank you. [01:30:28] Speaker B: So how are we going to answer. [01:30:29] Speaker D: The question and we don't even know what that is? [01:30:30] Speaker B: Him and his lady. I don't think they. [01:30:34] Speaker D: Okay, so give a brief explanation. [01:30:36] Speaker B: Thank you. You're not in it, either. Yeah, I don't know how to explain it. [01:30:43] Speaker C: I got it. [01:30:45] Speaker B: This is what for me? Yeah. [01:30:52] Speaker C: This is my idea of soft life. Being able to do what you want to do, how you want to do it, on your terms with your partner, without the life stressors. Like, y'all are both in a good space. Mentally healthy, physically healthy, and you just really enjoy life. Hey, let's go to the Maldives this weekend. Let's get some massages. Let's go to the movies and not eat. [01:31:19] Speaker B: Know? [01:31:22] Speaker D: So what's the other soft life? [01:31:24] Speaker C: It's the exact same thing. [01:31:31] Speaker B: Okay, it's fine. We'll move on. [01:31:35] Speaker D: Give you all answers. [01:31:38] Speaker B: I did. I said, leave me out of it. [01:31:40] Speaker C: She said, leave her out of it. Yeah. [01:31:46] Speaker A: I'm going to say neither because soft life sound expensive and I need this pod to pop before I get there. This pod going to take us out of here? [01:32:02] Speaker B: What's your answer? [01:32:05] Speaker C: Oh, both. Okay. Do you have a response? [01:32:16] Speaker D: I mean, that sounds like everything I'm about. Okay. [01:32:21] Speaker C: All right. This one is tricky for me. Love versus contractual agreement. [01:32:27] Speaker D: Love. [01:32:32] Speaker B: You. [01:32:32] Speaker A: I really want to be honest right now. [01:32:36] Speaker C: Go ahead. [01:32:36] Speaker B: That's what we about. Agreement. [01:32:44] Speaker A: No, you'll have more peace with love, I think. [01:32:50] Speaker C: Will. [01:32:54] Speaker B: You feel like you have more. [01:32:55] Speaker C: Peace with love versus a contractual agreement? [01:32:59] Speaker A: Because it would be real peace and. [01:33:03] Speaker D: You actually want to be with the person. Contractual agreement to me. [01:33:06] Speaker A: Yeah, that's what I'm trying to say. [01:33:08] Speaker D: Feels like when nobody asked, you said what? [01:33:14] Speaker C: I feel like I spelt this wrong. Anywho, I'm sorry. Go ahead, girl. [01:33:19] Speaker D: I said contractual agreement. Sounds like a business transaction versus love is. We are choosing to be with each other or love. Also not sure if I really want to tie myself to somebody else contractually. Again. It can be a headache when things don't work out, and I'm good on that. [01:33:49] Speaker B: Okay, t, I said leave me out of it. [01:33:55] Speaker C: Wow. I just want the listeners to know this is not how it goes. Like people over here just making. [01:34:03] Speaker D: You did not say that. You said contractual agreement first. [01:34:08] Speaker B: No, I said, what is a contractual agreement? Then I decided for myself that I really don't. First of all, this is no different than Uno or if we was playing a board game. Black people always make their own rules up. So I'm telling you, I am omitting from any type of agreements with anybody because things change. And that even means love, because that's why I said leave me. I don't know, to both. They're both no's for me, because it ain't this or that. It's not that simple. And I don't want to play myself. No. Wow. Okay. Arranged marriage or do it on your own? [01:34:58] Speaker D: I can't be in arranged nothing. I have a fear of being trapped, and I can't be stuck with somebody, and I don't really like people like that, so I just can't be involved. [01:35:11] Speaker C: Okay, ada. [01:35:20] Speaker A: Sorry, my mouse keep disappearing on the screen. What was the question? [01:35:25] Speaker C: Arrange marriage or do it on your own. [01:35:29] Speaker A: Where is that from? Oh, what's the difference between that and contract? Whatever. I do it on my own, they might pick somebody not cute with bad jeans or something. [01:35:45] Speaker D: They might stank. [01:35:47] Speaker C: Oh, lord, be annoying. [01:35:50] Speaker A: Yeah, none of that. [01:35:52] Speaker C: Okay. Monogamy versus everything else, I am actually indifferent. [01:35:58] Speaker D: I feel like as long as the two parties agree from the beginning and respect each other, then it could be a healthy relationship. Either way. I think for me personally, I enjoy monogamous relationships, but that's really only because I don't really like people. So, like a polyamorous situation, I'm probably not really committing my all to anybody. I'm just really kind of messing around. I'll barely be liking one person. That's enough for me. [01:36:40] Speaker B: Dang. I'm going to have to. Yeah, I'm omitting this one as well. [01:36:53] Speaker C: She put down a skip. [01:36:55] Speaker D: If you omit one mo, you're taking a shot. Okay. [01:36:57] Speaker B: Like really? Of water? [01:37:00] Speaker D: No. [01:37:00] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [01:37:01] Speaker D: You can't. [01:37:02] Speaker B: Just from the game. I mean, I'm looking at the last question and I'm like, yeah, no, it ain't this or that for me. Sorry. [01:37:16] Speaker C: Ada, are you monogamy or everything? [01:37:19] Speaker B: Else him. Bankhead. [01:37:23] Speaker A: I could be either or. It depends how we. I guess, compromise or how we feel. It don't matter to me, whoever works for us. [01:37:36] Speaker C: All right, last question that needs to answer. [01:37:42] Speaker D: Research team, did you give your answer? [01:37:44] Speaker C: I haven't given my answer to none of these. [01:37:48] Speaker B: I thought you gave your answer to soft life versus soft life. You did. [01:37:51] Speaker C: You're right. That was the only one. [01:37:53] Speaker B: So what's your answer? Yeah, don't try to put us. We're making up our own rules. [01:37:58] Speaker C: So traditional gender roles versus nontraditional gender roles or no? Yeah, I'm not answering the question. [01:38:08] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm omitting this one too. What? I'm on my rainbow road right now and I don't think that I'm saying I'm just inclusive to all things. [01:38:23] Speaker D: And I think nontraditional is your answer. [01:38:26] Speaker B: No, because I like traditional. I like men that are men. I like men that be men in. I love men. You know what makes me, I'm so attracted to is men that get up and go to work. It's so attractive to me. I like seeing men go to work. [01:38:42] Speaker D: So both. [01:38:48] Speaker B: I don't even know why. You all going to entertain me? I don't. Told you, this is Uno. She don't put a draw four on. [01:38:58] Speaker C: Top of a draw two. [01:38:59] Speaker B: Thank you. Hello. [01:39:01] Speaker C: We don't reverse back to her. She don't put a skip on the reverse. [01:39:06] Speaker D: I'm changing the rules of the cookout next time. [01:39:08] Speaker C: Yeah, I mean, there's no changing of the rules. People just aren't following them. [01:39:12] Speaker D: So whatever. [01:39:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:39:16] Speaker D: I like some aspects of tradition, but I think everyone should define their roles as it works for them and each other's strengths? [01:39:32] Speaker B: Well, let me ask you really quickly, twin, in your discovery of now finding love, do you feel like, though, that you found that the nontraditional serves you better in things that you do for yourself that you didn't in the past? [01:39:55] Speaker C: I feel like. [01:39:59] Speaker D: I have found that when there are two secure people who know their strengths and are committed to just helping each other and making each other's lives better, the roles thing doesn't really come into play like that. [01:40:15] Speaker B: Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I wanted you to bring that frequency up to a higher vibration. That's what I'm talking about. [01:40:23] Speaker D: That's the real team that I found out. We just kind of do things that help the other person that we're good at. [01:40:38] Speaker A: I'm definitely going to say nontraditional and that's only because I don't know how to say this. [01:40:50] Speaker D: Even though your wife be throwing down shout out to wifey. [01:40:53] Speaker A: Yeah, but she love to cook. [01:40:59] Speaker C: My God. [01:41:01] Speaker A: Did you hear me talking crazy? So going to talk crazy to me. You get what I'm saying? [01:41:15] Speaker B: People been sipping. [01:41:16] Speaker C: People been sipping? [01:41:18] Speaker A: No, not me. [01:41:20] Speaker B: I know. That's what I'm saying. [01:41:21] Speaker C: People have been sipping, though. [01:41:24] Speaker B: Who's been sipping? I'm drinking water. [01:41:26] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [01:41:28] Speaker B: It went over my head. It's okay. I just went back to my platinum blonde, so my side. Wow. Well, thank you guys for coming to the cookout with us. [01:41:38] Speaker A: Thank you. Thank you for joining the cousins with the cookout and the Valentine's Day love cast. Hope you enjoyed it. Talked about a little bit of something. Everything regarding black love. Anybody else want to say anything before I take us out of here? [01:41:59] Speaker D: I hope all the lovers out there enjoy your Valentine's day. The non lovers. Self love is also love, too. [01:42:09] Speaker B: Hey, I was going to say you're going to just exclude all the single ones out here. Yes. Love is love. And self love is the best love. Because how can you love anyone else if you don't love yourself? Yes. [01:42:29] Speaker A: All right. And with that, I'm sorry, research team, did you throw something in there? [01:42:36] Speaker B: No. [01:42:38] Speaker A: All right. Yes. Please join us on all our social medias, Twitter at callyourcosins. That's at callyourcousin Instagram at callyourcosinspod. Subscribe to our YouTube at callyourcosins again and shoot us some emails. We love to hear from you all at [email protected]. You all have a good one. Bye.